You Ask Him
by CrystalHeaven
Summary: Because, you are a Marine in the United States Military. You've traveled to other worlds. You've taken on System Lords without blinking an eye. You've kicked Wraith ass. Are you telling me that you're afraid of one teeny, tiny little scientist?


This was written for my entry into the Fanfic100 community on LiveJournal. I got the Atlantis Marines.

Betaed by the wonderful and amazing FrostFire17 and MorenaDonn. You both rock like giant rocking things, and made this what it is. (huggles both like crazy)

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"You ask him."

"Hell, no. You do it."

"Me? It's your thing that's broken."

"Yeah, but he likes you."

"Likes me? What in the hell gave you that idea."

"Well, you spent all that time in the jumper together."

"I was stuck on the wrong side of event-horizon. I remember nothing between entering the gate and appearing again in Atlantis with three more people in the cockpit than were there a second before."

"Yeah, but you caught him, kept him on his feet."

"No, I was a convenient landing pad when he tried to keep from crashing into the Major and Teyla."

"See, that's what I mean. You kept him from tripping over them and cracking his head open, making his brains leak out all over the floor of the Jumper."

"You are disturbed, you know that? And the answer's still no."

"Come on, Rob! How can you say no to this face?"

"Like this. No."

"I'd do it for you."

"You'd do it for me, but you won't do it for yourself?"

"Well, yeah. 'Cause if I was doing it for you, then it wouldn't have been my fault that it was broken in the first place."

"It's not your fault this time either."

"True, but it's still mine. He's likely to kick my ass just on principle."

"Max, you keep this up, and I'm going to kick your ass on principle."

"Wouldn't that be on purpose, not principle?"

"You know, arguing with me isn't going to make me any more likely to go ask him for you."

"You're right. I'm sorry. Will you ask him for me?"

"No."

"Come on! Why not?"

"Because, you are a Marine in the United States Military. You've traveled to other worlds. You've taken on System Lords without blinking an eye. You've kicked Wraith ass. Are you telling me that you're afraid of one teeny, tiny little scientist?"

"Fuck, yes! And I dare you to call him that to his face."

"Fuck, no! To both asking for you, or calling him that."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"With sugar on top?"

"What are you, five? And still, no."

"I'll pay you."

"Like I've got a need for money out here. No."

"I'll hook you up with a date."

"I can manage just fine on my own, thanks. No"

"You know what? I think you're scared."

"Hell yes, I'm scared! Did you see what he did to Kavanagh for blowing up Lab 6? I have no desire to spend my for seeable future trudging though the sewage pipes of Atlantis, checking for wear and tear. Or out in the damaged sections playing guard dog while the engineers do structural integrity checks."

"Please. He's a civilian, he can't make you do that."

"You know, people said the same thing about Dr. Jackson. 'He's a civilian. He can't order me around.' You remember what General O'Neill did to the Marines on SG-6? I swear to god, Matherson was never the same. And fuck if the lot of them didn't cower in the corner with their tails between their legs every time T'ealc walked into the room."

"You know what? You may have a point."

"I know I have a point. And I'm still not asking him."

"Come on, Stacks, be a pal."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just call me Stacks and not beat the crap out of you next training session or next time we've got gym time together."

"How about you ask him for me, and I never call you that again?"

"How about you never call me that again, and I never find the sudden urge to wipe the floor with your pasty white ass."

"Deal. So, I never call you…that... and you ask him for me?"

"Jesus fuck! Do you ever quit?"

"Quitters don't belong in the Marines, you know that. And no, not when I'm trying to get something I want."

"What I want is to finish my now cold lunch, and go somewhere far, far away from you."

"And I'll let you, if you ask him for me."

"For the last time, I'm not going to ask him for you." The sound of a cup slamming down onto a tabletop cut off whatever Harding was going to say.

"Here's an idea. Why don't you both ask me whatever it is you've been arguing about for the last twenty minutes, so I can answer whatever asinine question is driving you, and by proxy, me, absolutely stark raving mad, and then I can get back to eating my lunch in peace."

"Uh, well, you see sir-"

"Yeah sir, this is the thing-"

"Stop! Just, stop. Jesus, we're over here risking out lives on what is possibly the most important mission in the history of mankind as we know it, and they send pre-schoolers to guard over us. Typical military logic."

"Sorry, sir."

"My apologizes, sir."

Rodney waved a hand, scowling at the pair until they both shut up."Don't apologize, ask me the goddamn question."

The two Marines looked at each other for a minute, neither one of them willing to step forward and have all of McKay's ire directed entirely at them. Finally, Rodney couldn't take it any more and snapped. "Oh, for the love of... Will one of you get your heads out of your asses and get i _ON_ /i with it?"

After another staring contest, Stackhouse finally snarled at Harding, who ducked his head and reached into the back pocket of his BDU's, his face a deep shade of crimson.

"Uh, well, the thing is, sir... Well, I was wondering. You see, I let one of my fellow Marines borrow my Gameboy, and when he gave it back, it just didn't seem to be working quite right anymore. Can you fix it?"


End file.
